The conversation we are having now is old. Nothing new is being added that will fundamentally change our perspective for the better. Women will continue to think they are incomplete without a man.
Men will continue to pretend women are the only ones in search of partnership, all the while dying from “despair”. This is an actual thing.
Why does such an old conversation still hold its appeal?
Such a question seems to ignore the very human need for intimacy. While this connection is not necessarily a romantic one, Hollywood and the creators of refined diamonds made sure our interpretation of our shortcomings will lead us all to the mall, the hairdresser, the gym, and the club in search of love.
We seek to fill the void by opening our homes to those we will soon come to resent for the way they chew, the way they speak too loudly on the phone as you try to watch your tv show, the way they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. When their breathing makes you want to surgically remove your eardrum making you deaf to their sound, you then know it’s time to leave.
One of you then pulled the plug on the relationship and immediately you remembered how perfect they were. In the cold dark night, you wished them back and they returned– someone like them returned. The cycle continues.
We have the dating and mating conversation because we know the problem but we do not have the solution.
No Add BLACK
Add black to the conversation and we have a history that is too complex to understand its impact on us fully.
Add black to the conversation and self-hate and low self-esteem takes center stage for a community made to look at Power and never hold it.
Add black to the conversation and you add some people who are awakened to the beauty of blackness, only to be antagonized that you are among a select few that can see such beauty. This is itself a kind of hell; to be constantly going against the machine that tells you black is inconsistent with beauty.
While the Machine does not need help, it will receive it from those in the group, those who have succumbed to their subjugation. I want to forgive them, it is not their fault. They are doing what is expected in the face of such conditioning…But I cannot, too much damage is being done internally.
To add black to the conversation is to know that people in a group fall for each other while knowing it won’t happen for you if you hold out for black love. The exception doesn’t BLAHHHH… at least for 2 million women.
We know the Results…
We know how the story ends, as the real world sets in. Yet, to experience the bliss in the moments between pain feels worth it to us all.
We have the conversation because we need something to believe in. Love is that thing we believe in. We know the void, we can feel it, and we understand something is missing. Sadly, we refuse to accept that an intimate companion is not the answer to the void. The emptiness won’t just leave once you partner.
The dialogue about romance still holds power because we give it power… it seems easier to go for the person outside of us to save us, rather than acknowledge the truth, you have to save yourself. There is no one coming and after you’ve actualized, there will still be that void.
No Child
No Man
No Woman
No Family
No Friend
No God
Nothing will ever be enough to be enough. Stay away from the void, work around it. To try and fill the black hole is wasted energy. Let the loneliness be so you can.
I enjoyed reading this—insightful and encouraged introspection. Thank you, Themis.
Those beautiful words came in handy for me. I am through with the romance conversation and ready to challenge the void.
Wow!! Currently sitting quietly while thinking about my future and letting go of love! How many times have I said enough is enough loud enough for ME to hear it loud and clear! I remember reading something that said “no one is coming to save you, save yourself”…
Seeing your message is a reminder that I am doing the right thing in saving myself! I have been so afraid to let go, but it is time. I now see that I am enough, and that I do not need anything other than my will to succeed. Thank you for the reminder!