Submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or the will or authority of another person. Submission can also be seen as an act of surrendering to one’s opponent. See the Oxford English dictionary.
Superior force is wild.
People often try to redefine the concept of submission in the context of a relationship, but this should not be the case. It is possible to choose different words since we all know that words have meaning. When you say you want someone to submit to you, it is clear what this means in the context of a relationship.
In a patriarchy, men hold the highest positions of power. They (MEN) are the leaders of society and have authority over others. This system creates a world where men are automatically considered leaders solely because of their gender.
The present reality is not only unfair for women, who are unable to actualize, but it also negatively impacts men. They are expected to fulfill roles for which they are not qualified and have to perform tasks that don’t suit them properly. We know that patriarchy harms both genders, a concept thoroughly researched by feminists and scholars in outlets like the New York Times, Psychology Today, and various sociology classes.
Although some people have made a conscious decision to uphold patriarchy and will fight to maintain it, I am not trying to change their minds. It’s not because I don’t want to, but rather because I don’t believe it’s possible I can. However, if my work does end up changing someone’s mind about this issue, it would be a cause for celebration.
A man is not a leader because he is a man. A woman is not a follower because she is a woman. Submission as a goal is immoral.
“I need a man to lead me.”
Unless the statement is an attempt to manipulate, and even then, it is a sad statement of accepting that a woman’s role is to serve a man, in the words of the bible, women are “helpmates”. Why would any woman agree that this should be the position for all women? Are there not many examples of great women leaders and poor male ones?
Why accept this limit? This is not a question about what you do personally, rather, the inquiry reflects a broader indictment from women and men about the role of women.
A man is not a leader because he is a man:
A leader is someone who guides or directs a group of people, an organization, or a country. To lead means to show the way or to steer towards a particular goal or direction. Being a leader requires an understanding that someone in a relationship is designated above you, regardless of the circumstances or the expertise required for a specific purpose.
Some may argue that a company or department can have a CEO or a manager who can advance the interests of the group by utilizing the skills of the people working under them. Similarly, a man can seek the expertise of his wife and family, but he is still the leader.
This response ignores one simple question, how did the person become the manager or CEO? The process for selection comes into vogue. That there is no qualification for a man to be the leader in his family other than being a man and having a family, is idiotic.
I heard one pastor saying “The fact that women get to choose their leader to submit to is powerful”… people were clapping for this. The statement while annoying does address the concern regarding how men become leaders of the family. Each woman gets to decide for themselves the qualities in a man that make said man worthy of her submission.
Submission, in this way, is a woman’s choice. The choice is not whether or not to submit, but rather, who they WILL submit to. If you cannot find the qualities that you want, then you don’t have to be in a relationship and you don’t have to submit. Except, this is not how relationships work, it is a complex negotiation between people. Women unfortunately do have the power to swipe left until they find their perfect man, who will have no choice.
A paradigm that requires subservience from women in their interaction with men diminishes her role and places her at a disadvantage. It is my belief, that the requirement for women to serve is not religious at all, rather it is an attempt to exploit a biological reality for women surrounding their ability to have and bond with children.
Pregnancy and childcare can make women vulnerable, while men often have little attachment to the child or the woman. This creates a power dynamic where the woman must perform to keep the man around, as he can leave at any time while she is more tied to the child and the family. This negotiation occurs not only after the child is born, but also during the dating stage, where the woman is expected to reassure the man that she will serve him and be his helpmate if he promises to stay and “protect” both the woman and children.
Do you still need this protection? And from whom do you need protection?
A woman is not a follower because she is a woman:
Pubert for the female brains jump to at least two years older than their physical age. Males, however, usually take until their late teen years or even early twenties to match their female peer’s mental age. See the National Library of Medicine.
In 2021, the census estimated that 21.1 million Americans were enrolled in college, according to the annual American Community Survey. About 12 million of them people were female, and about 9.2 million were male. That’s a difference of about 2.6 million, or a 56%-to-44% split. NBC News (let’s not separate on race here because Wheww).
The homicide rate among Black men in the US has long captured national headlines, but despite decades of Black feminist scholarship and organizing on the topic, violence against Black women and girls continues to receive little attention, researchers say. Please see The Guardian. Black women are being killed by their male partners. Note this for the protection conversation.
For the nation as a whole, the labor force participation rate for women was 56.8 percent in 2022. The age groups of 25 to 34 years, 35 to 44 years, and 45 to 54 years all had participation rates above 75.0 percent, with 25 to 34 years having the highest (77.6 percent). See the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Please review psychological work around women who are single with no children vs women who are married. Then, let’s talk about relationships.
You do not need a man now, you want one, thus your negotiation power in the dating marketplace should have shifted. You do not have to submit. Leverage your new reality to create the life you want.
Submission as a goal is immoral:
Unless you want this for your personal life, any explanation of women’s role in this way, submitting to men, is immoral. Women have proven their roles are as varied as there are women.
Women’s role is not to submit to men. Your role might be to submit to your husband, own that, and be proud of that, but do not push that out on anyone else. Submission might be your destiny, but it is not the destiny of women.
The idea that submission is immoral and regressive is highlighted in the numerous contributions of women in leadership both at home and at work.
Take care not to try and limit an entire gender because of your feeling of inadequacy. This statement applies to men and women equally.
Leadership is earned and not a birthright.
